admin Scared of sending that email to the co-worker you just can’t seem to get along with? Have problems thinking about what to say to that casting director you’ve arranged to meet? Worried about the conversation you need to have with your roommates about the delegation of household duties?
Well, fear not: here are some tips for effective communication to make even the most challenging of conversations a breeze.
There will always be meetings and conversations we don’t want to have. Maybe the subject matter is tricky or maybe the person you’re talking to is well known to be a beast in the office. Perhaps you want to blow the whistle on something you feel is being overlooked or ignored. Truth is, there are a myriad of situations that can give us the willies when we think about how best to communicate our needs, feelings, and truth. But speaking from our hearts, and doing so with good intention, will always be the best answer to any bad situation. The trick is how to go about it effectively, so that the person you’re communicating with can not only understand where you’re coming from, but also feels respected and heard herself.
First, engage in active listening. (Most every note you get in acting class will ring true for your entire life; that’s pretty cool, right? Your acting classes DID teach you business after all!) Challenge yourself to pay close attention to the other person. Encourage them to speak. Give them space to air out their concerns, opinions, and ideas. A person who feels heard will feel respected and they’ll be less defensive. A lot of therapists and counselors recommend using the phrase ‘I hear you’ to reiterate and connect. Try it, mean it, and see how it changes your interaction.
Second, begin with the end in mind. Franklin Covey talks a lot about this in his book 7 Habits for Highly Successful People. Before you dash head first into the flames, take a moment to think about your desired outcome from the meeting. Do a little prep before hand and ask yourself – if the conversation went by your perfect ideal, what would happen. What would you achieve? What do you want to see occur? (Sound familiar, actors?? What IS your objective?) Beginning with the end in mind will help you start thinking about what you want AND help you come up with tactics to achieve that end. Not only will you become aware of your tone and speaking voice, but you’ll find you have a clear direction and through-line for your conversation as well. Frequently, you will find that many issues you considered high priority items will no longer be as important as you thought. So take a few minutes to think about what you want and brainstorm some tactics that will help you get after it!
Third, take the emotion out of it and go after the hard facts. Another great result of beginning with the end in mind is that it creates distance from your emotions and identifies the facts in a situation. Checking your emotions at the door is also helpful for keeping and staying calm in stressful situations. As artists, our emotions are the very things that fuel our art, but to be effective communicators, we have to be willing to let those emotions go. Emotions loaded with personal attachment make us defensive, close-minded, and irrational. Emotions are attached to ego, and when we’re really trying to connect with another person, we have to be willing to let our ego go. Identifying your emotions and the feelings you have about a situation is the first step to letting them go. Then you are better able to identify the facts as you see them in a situation, and present them clearly and objectively.
Most important of all, is this: trust yourself. Have a little faith in you. Trust that you know when to speak up and that you will learn to get better at the art of communication. Life is all about practice; it’s true for our business as well as our art. So go ahead and start. Start small if you want to. Try some of the techniques here and see how they affect your intrapersonal relationships. Have that conversation with your girlfriend you’ve been putting off. Speak up at the next meeting when your gut tells you it’s right. Send that email to the director you’ve had a falling out with. Remember, we are always going to work with people we don’t like. We will always have difficult conversations. It’s how we choose to go about dealing with those difficult situations that make us smart. And that, business lovers, is exactly what you are.