admin Effective communication in ordinary circumstances is not always achievable. Effective communication during times of conflict is all the more difficult. But how to create and maintain positive and clear communication when one’s natural instinct is to fight or flight?
For some couples the only time they feel they are communicating is during conflict. But is this connection of sorts a relationship? There may be an abundance of communication between you and your partner, but if it is wrong kind then it may only act to further fuel the tension.
Seeking some physical space following conflict to cool down and contemplate (with the knowledge or comfort that both parties will return), can bring some emotional space which allows one to distance themselves. But this may not provide a solution to the conflict if the issues remain avoided.
Some couples may be able to resume ‘normality’ following conflict, choosing to continue without consultation. Others return to assume reason necessitating some form of communication is sought. But what to do if this resolution is often or always initiated by the same person? Is it not both parties responsibility to seek resolution? Does is it not depend on who is in the wrong? How do you define ‘wrong’?
Assuming roles and sticking to them becomes predictable and can be draining. If it is not in your nature to continue the angst, does that mean you are ‘weak’ for giving in? Or perhaps it means you are strong! Switching roles may seem a reasonable or fair option but in attempting to remain true to your relationship are you remaining true to yourself?
It takes one person to open a safe channel of communication to allow the other to respond; bearing in mind this does not have to be spoken. Rather in the interests of keeping some sort of flow happening and clearing the blockage following conflict with your partner; seek a happy medium whereby you can remain silent whilst still communicating.
The use of communication cards in the form of simple written messages can convey those thoughts and feelings which may be difficult to articulate. Measures which can break the ice; allowing you to be able to move on rather than dwelling on what has happened, or creating a safer zone in which to address that which has taken place.
Leaving the notes in strategic places for your partner when the need arises, can create a kind of mutual understanding between you both that the white flag has been raised and the ‘battle’ can cease.
Even if you believe you are in the ‘right’, playing the ‘TRUCE’ card for example does not have to mean you forgive and forget straight away; rather it allows you to reflect in a moment of reduced tension, allowing you to take further stock of yourself and the situation. It can be effective in showing partner that you are seeking to diffuse the tension – which spoken words may not always achieve.