admin I counsel and divorce-coach many men and women going through divorce in a year’s time. One thing I hear repeatedly from many of the women I counsel is that they got talked into a divorce by well-meaning friends. I have found that some women live vicariously through a friend going through a divorce. They have a tendency to encourage others to seek legal counsel and if the truth were to be known, they themselves most likely are in a fragile marriage! Friends may not give sound advice and may secretly want to make sure that others suffer as much if not worse than they do. I see this all the time in my counseling and divorce coaching practice.
I recall a female client whose friend lied to her about her husband being gay. This so-called friend lied when she said she saw her husband and his best friend holding hands at a restaurant. My client believed this woman and found out too late that her friend hated her husband with a passion and lied. When her friend was confronted by a pastor she insisted her stories were true. When pressured for specific information she could not answer and the truth was finally exposed. Unfortunately, the damage had been done. Meanwhile my client told her friends she believed her husband was gay without checking out the facts. Her friends urged her to file for divorce, which she did.
What saddens me the most about this story is that the husband loved his wife very much. She broke this man’s heart, divorced him and destroyed any chance of reconciliation. She remarried soon after her divorce and later found out that the man she divorced was telling the truth all along.
When someone tries to convince you to divorce your spouse, ask yourself these questions:
Are they in a bad marriage themselves?
Are they recently divorced?
Are they separated?
Are they cheating on their partner?
Are they newlyweds?
Are they at odds with your partner?
Are they trying to set you up with one of their friends?
If the answer is yes to any of these situations, then run as fast as you can from these people. They do not, I repeat, do not have your best interest at heart. They are living through you and will possibly destroy your marriage. Find people who are neutral and will not take sides. Do lots of fact finding. Ask questions of your spouse. Many marriages have been destroyed and torn apart by gossip and lies. Many marriages can be saved if you take the time to do the research yourself. Why not give your marriage every chance it deserves to survive? Yes, every marriage has its problems but most marriages can be saved if you’re willing to do the work and make it happen.
Following are some questions you should ask yourself:
1) Are you willing to try one last time to save your marriage with proper coaching and counseling?
2) Do you need guidance to learn how to save a dying marriage or end one?
3) Does your marriage need someone who can help you discover how to communicate better?
4) Are you having a difficult time forgiving your partner?
5) Do you want a divorce and need help with the next step?
There are well meaning friends, who really do care for you. Be careful with the advice they give you. It can cost you more then you will ever know. The pain of divorce can last a lifetime, make sure the advice that you receive is in your best interest. I think that couples need to look at every aspect of their divorce. What will it do to each other, your children, your families, your friends. Once the cord is cut, it’s very difficult to reconnect with each other.