admin What do you do when your partner tells you that your injuries and the marks on your body are due to “you name it” anything other than what it is? And the yelling and name-calling is deserved, along with the impact to your heart and soul. Sound familiar?
More often than not, women in abusive relationships walk into a brick wall when they plead for partner acknowledgment and accountability of the abuse perpetrated upon them. It can be so frustrating to live months… years… and be the only one in your home that gets it.
You start to wonder if your instincts are accurate. Your reality is confusing at best. And you bury yourself in the isolation of your predicament of being abused. Let’s face it, expecting others to respect what you know to be out of line is absurd.
What can you do when the brick wall is no longer your path? The prospect of change can be both exhilarating and scary. When it comes to domestic violence, one must be vigilant in their efforts to minimize the potential for danger. Here are some of your options…
1) You can leave quickly and quietly. Many people will tell you this is absolutely the safest way to exit. There is no discussion, no confrontation and no opportunity for a meltdown and blowout netting you what you are seeking to leave.
Now keep in mind that this exit must be orchestrated mindfully so that you don’t get caught in the act. Because if you are caught exiting, it won’t be quick and it won’t be quiet. It could be very dangerous!
2) You can have the discussion that has previously led you and your partner into the brick wall, but do it in such a way that you establish clear boundaries. Essentially, you declare that the abusive behavior (be specific and descriptive) is no longer status quo. It will no longer be tolerated; it is unacceptable.
Before setting out to have this conversation, you must have solid safety plan in place, because you may need to exit quickly to keep yourself safe. Additionally, you will want to have a therapy option identified to equip you with a means for following up on the goals of your discussion.
3) You can bring in “influential” people in the moment of crises. While this certainly does make a statement in the moment, it may not be the “cure.”
If the influential people are law enforcement, this could open one door. If, on the other hand, the influential people are close family or friends, it could inspire another path.
The important thing to realize is that your breaking the silence opens the door for you to align yourself with support. Breaking the silence is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
No matter what you do to change the status quo, keep in mind that it will be best executed if it is planned out ahead of time. Have you created a safety plan for yourself? Do you know what you would take upon your exit and where you would go? Do you have a method to deal with an imminent danger to yourself and/or to your children?
These are some of the things you want in order as you begin to end domestic abuse in your relationship and in your life. Once you have this in place and embark on your chosen option, trust you are on your way to reclaiming and saving your life.