admin A major component of successful intimate relationship is authenticity: when you are “who you are”, true to yourself and genuine, you can develop, nurture and maintain a healthy and satisfying intimacy. But many fail in their relationships because they are NOT authentic. Getting up the courage to embark on developing your Self-Awareness and on making the necessary change to becoming authentic is the one sure thing which will lead you to finding and developing the successful intimacy you so much desire.
The reasons are obvious. When you are authentic:
* You bring to the relationship your “true self”: you wear no masks; you play no games; you do not manipulate and do not “make” your partner behave in ways she/he doesn’t want to.
* You don’t succumb to doing things you don’t want to just in order to please your partner.
* You are not afraid to express your fears and needs, but rather talk about them with your partner openly.
* You don’t deny traits and behaviors you don’t like within yourself, and don’t project them onto your partner. Rather, you are aware of these and avoid letting them hurt the relationship.
* When you are authentic and true to yourself you are in touch with your will – with whatever it is that you want, desire, hope for in the relationship. You don’t give up on your will in order to pacify your partner or in order to ensure he/she will continue loving you and won’t abandon you.
If there are so many advantage to being authentic, why are there so many who are NOT?
The reasons are many. Many are not authentic because:
* They believe that expressing their true will and desires will cost them dearly.
* They are afraid that “being who they are” will push their partners away.
* They think that wearing masks is the safest way to be while with others.
* They operate under a perception of reality that “you need to be nice to your partner and not insist on what’s important to you”.
* They are afraid of being alone, therefore will do “whatever it takes” to be nice to their
partner and so avoid being abandoned.
* They operate from a low self-esteem and are not sure what the best way to behave is. Therefore they react and behave in ways they think will bring them love and appreciation, rather than in ways which they would have preferred to employ..
The sad fact is, that those behaving these ways throughout all their life and in whichever relationship they have, have become detached from their own authenticity. They become used to not being true to themselves, manipulating themselves into thinking that the way they handle themselves is the best one to avoid criticism and rejection.
The price you pay when you are NOT authentic
If you are not authentic, trying to escape criticisms and rejection, hoping to build a satisfying relationship, you probably find yourself failing time and again. At the beginning, upon meeting someone new, the bond between you may be wonderful, one reason being: that you interact with your partner not out of authenticity but according to what you think he/she will appreciate. You go by what your partner wants, not allowing yourself to express your true self; you “compromise” to the extent of losing yourself. You give as much as you can (often without receiving much in return).
While at the beginning of the relationship is seems “as if” your bond is indeed wonderful, with time it becomes an unhealthy one. Your partner might become too dominant, even abusive, expecting you to behave in the relationship in whichever way he/she sees fit. And you, afraid of being rejected and left alone, go along with your partner’s demands, expectations and wishes.
Slowly you begin to feel hurt, angry, disillusioned, embittered, wanting a way out of the relationship but afraid to be left alone – once again.
Sadly enough, even if and when your relationship ends, when you will get into a new relationship you will, in all likelihood – behave again in the same non-authentic ways you have exhibited in all your previous relationships. You just don’t better. Even after all the disappointments and break-ups you have endured you just don’t have the courage to be authentic, to be “who you really are”. By now you have been so accustomed to NOT be authentic, that you are afraid even to try and be one!
How can you heal yourself, become authentic and find a satisfying intimacy?
The only best way for you to heal yourself is to:
* Acknowledge and accept the fact that you haven’t been authentic until now.
* Find ways to understand what made you NOT be authentic: is it due to whatever fears you have had? To the way you have been brought up at home while a child? To a deep rooted need of being loved at all costs?
* Get up the courage to begin being authentic – even a little bit, at the beginning even only with those closest to you.
* Embark on developing your Self-Awareness: this is a journey to your inner self, in which, by looking inwards and observing yourself, you will become aware of many aspects of yourself you haven’t been aware of until now, and of many factors which have played a role in driving you to NOT be authentic.
Being authentic is your road to a satisfying relationship
Getting up the courage to embark on developing your Self-Awareness and on making the necessary changes to becoming authentic is a must is the one sure thing which will lead you to finding and developing the successful intimacy you so much desire.