admin A child custody case is like an exam in school because, not only are you examined but, as with most situations in life, you have two choices:
1. You learn the topic. When it’s exam-time, you try to anticipate or guess what questions will be on the exam. Then you study and review the topic to prepare for the exam. You go to the exam prepared and with a good idea of what you will be facing. You have the knowledge you need to get a good mark and you know it. You will be confident and you will get a good grade.
2. You don’t bother to learn anything about the topic. You think you can fly by the seat of your pants and wing it, play it by ear or hope for divine intervention. You might even think the teacher will take pity on you and pass you anyway.
Since you didn’t learn the topic to start with you have nothing to study and review. You go to the exam unprepared and uninformed. You will probably feel sick with butterflies in your stomach when you see what you are up against. When you see your classmates confidently blazing through the questions you will feel bewildered and lost.
What are your chances of getting a good mark or even passing? Zilch!
What does a school exam have to do with your child custody case?
Think of the exam as a metaphor for your child custody case.
Think of the teacher as a metaphor for a child custody judge.
He or she will not be moved by your shortcomings or your “I’ll just wing it and hope for the best” attitude.
They will not take pity on you. They will probably have disdain for you for not doing your homework. Like teachers, judges dislike people who disrespect them and what they stand for by failing to put in the necessary effort.
They will think your preparation for the custody hearing or lack of it is indicative of your skills as a parent.
Your study aids (books, tutor, study partners etc) are like your lawyer.
They can help guide you but they can’t write the exam for you. Your lawyer can’t win your custody battle for you. The judge will be judging you, not your lawyer.
Your confident classmates are like your ex.
Prepared, informed, confident, strong, impressive and even likeable – by the judge. You of course, will despise them and criticize them for taking the trouble to prepare while you couldn’t be bothered.
Passing or failing the exam is like winning or losing custody of your children.
Of course, your child custody battle is far more important than any school exam you ever wrote or will ever write.
I just thought it might be easier to imagine a most extraordinary and potentially devastating event (a child custody battle) by comparing it to an ordinary event (school exam) that most people have experienced many times and are very familiar with the feelings – good or bad – that go along with it.
(True Story: I’ve been out of school for decades but I still occasionally have a nightmare where I go to my final math exam and suddenly realize I’m clueless. I then fervently wish that I had taken the trouble to attend even one math class or at least had bothered to open my math book – even once.
Although it’s only a dream, realizing I don’t know what I need to and that it’s too late to do anything about it gives me a lost, helpless, hopeless feeling, to say the least. I would not want to experience that feeling in any court let alone custody court.)
As you can see a child custody case has a lot in common with a school exam.
Knowledge truly is power. You have two choices – learn what you need to know (a better chance to win) or hope for the best (most likely lose).
Someone once said, “If you think knowledge is expensive, try ignorance!” Not doing everything you possibly can to win your child custody case can turn out to be very expensive, indeed.
“Forewarned, forearmed; to be prepared is half the victory.”
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
But, what if you worked hard, really hard, at school and still fell apart at exam time? What if you just feel like you can’t cope with the breakup and the fight for child custody, too? I know how hard it can be to try to put on a brave face for the kids and maybe even the court while you are falling apart on the inside.