When Sibling Rivalry Tries to Steal Your Christmas Peace

Have you noticed how we practically will this to happen? As we eagerly prepare, plan, and await all the activities, events, and even simply sweet gestures, striving to make it all meaningful while focused on Christ, we can essentially get sucked into this romanticism of Christmas. While our hearts may be in the right place, we often miss a fundamental piece. We are teaching messy little humans about the beautiful, flawless message of Christ.

Sweet momma friend, we must realize that the moment we start planning to make a memorable activity where our families can bond and relish in the joy of the season, the enemy will do his very best to weasel his way in. Grr! For instance…one minute you are setting up the nativity, and the next minute you are breaking up an argument over the words to a Christmas song. To end that debate, it is “Jack Frost nipping at your nose, not toes!” Sigh. 

Anyway, all that to say, all the well-meaning plans and thoughtful intentions come crashing to a screeching halt with one word, look, or action, causing tension within your humble home to rise, sparking the flames of siblings gone rogue. Ugh. I’m pretty certain at that point you’re inwardly humming the tune by Bing Crosby, and truly understanding why he added the line where “Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again!”

Phew! Sibling rivalry can really put a damper on things, especially this time of year. A time that encourages us to gather with family in love, joy…and peace.

So, is there an answer on how we can get ahold of the chaos and restore a little calm to the crazy in the name of peace?

Yes! Let’s see what God’s Word says. Better yet, let’s strive to understand what God really wants from us this Christmas, even when our precious children aren’t getting along. The answer just may surprise you!

Keep Sharing the Message of Love

We must keep in mind that as excited as we are to experience this season with our kiddos, they are probably one hundred times more excited than we are! When we try to think like our children, it can put things in a different perspective, realizing that all that excitement can spur on a vast variety of emotions. In other words, giddiness can quickly get mixed with justice, merriment can get sprinkled with a dose of jealousy. And let’s not fail to mention when children (and teens for that matter) are hungry, tired, and off schedule for the holidays, that can add a whole other element, bringing on a wave of grumbling and complaining that can easily bounce back and forth between siblings.

While it is extremely hard to stay calm and patient at times, we can do our best to keep sharing the message of love with our actions and words, sending a loud and clear message to our children. Proverbs 15:1 tells us that a soft answer turns away wrath. 1 Corinthians 13 shares how love is patient, kind, and rejoices in truth. While 1 Peter 3:8 tells us that love covers a magnitude of sins.

The bottom line is that our reaction (or lack thereof) is a way to foster love and promote peace. We may rearrange our schedules to give more rest or bend to a certain need so strife doesn’t strike. Also, realize that simple statements such as, “The (your last name + ‘s) show love. Are you showing love?” or “I will not speak with either of you until you both calm down, but I love you both” can go a long way. 

Promote a Servant Heart

Christmastime leads the way for us to serve and love others, but how many times have you tried to foster this skill in the heart of your children only to see greediness take hold? Yep, I can understand that. We’ve been there a time or two as well. 

Encouraging our children to serve others isn’t an easy task, and since we are on the track of being brutally honest here, I dare say that it’s even more difficult for our children to serve one another. The truth of the matter is they may love and enjoy serving others in their community and see the benefit, as it gives them a sense of pride for helping. But, when it comes to serving family, well, let’s just say that hits a little too close to home.

However, to combat some of the sibling rivalry, it all begins with service, and then looking at the perfect model – Jesus. When we share stories of how Jesus loved others and served with His whole heart, we give our kids a glimpse into the beautiful humility and nature of our God. Share the story of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet (John 13). Then see if they would be bold enough to mirror this (or do something special) for their brother or sister. The gift will be twofold!

Embrace the Imperfections

Alright, we have to go back to the fact that as moms we strive to make Christmas this wonderful and beautiful time of year for our families. As we should, quite honestly. But, can I share a little secret with you that my grandmother once told me that still nags at my heart every time I get wrapped up in the wrong things during the Christmas season, striving for…well perfection?

Be realistic with your expectations. That’s it! 

Managing our expectations is all part of making the magic happen while allowing messy little humans to be a part of it. Need a little more guidance on how that looks? Well, before my grandmother passed (my two oldest were four and one at the time, and I was simply overwhelmed with the Christmas to-do list), here was a bit of her wisdom, and I am passing it along to you!

1. Make time to be alone – to just be still, quiet, and pray.

2. Create healthy boundaries with family and friends. It’s okay to say “no.”

3. Find joy in the simple things, such as a tender and unexpected moment.

We can so easily focus on the things that didn’t work out or the arguments that ensue that we fail to see the beauty in the simply sweet moments. Next time your littles give each other a hug, play with the nativity scene together, or just get along, tell them how proud of them you are for showing love!

Give the Gift of Forgiveness

Christmas offers us so much hope and encouragement, begging us to rejoice and celebrate the many wonders that took place in that manger over 2,000 years ago. It also opens the doors of our hearts to easily spread His love and forgive any past hurts. Have you noticed how much easier it seems to make accommodations to meet with trying or difficult family members all for the sake of Christmas? How quickly we can put our differences aside or extend a helping hand because we remember that Christ first loved us? How we can easily welcome family and friends into our home we may not otherwise see because our hearts seem a little softer?

Grace and forgiveness seem to flow a little easier this time of year. Our children can see and sense this as well. So, while tension may rise in your home, realize that it may fizzle out just as quickly when we offer a little space and extend grace. When your people want to pick a fight, give them space to search their hearts and find grace to forgive. While we may want to immediately jump in and “fix it” for them, we must learn the art of stepping back and pausing to pray for God to do a work in their hearts.

This season, while full of awe and wonderment, can make any momma’s heart swell with pride when she gazes upon her littles and sees them playing happily together under the Christmas tree. (Harness that thought) Because for the times when that doesn’t happen, the kids fuss and fight, and everything seems to be falling apart, thankfully, we have a perfect Father who loves every single piece of us – mess and all.

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/AntonioGuillem

Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.