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Not too long ago, a TV commercial ran for a psoriasis drug where the afflicted woman was constantly itching but smiling and saying she’s “fine.”
That might be what you are doing right now when there’s personal unrest in your relationships.
If so, we can relate to doing that in the past.
When that happens, you’re trying to be positive and wear a “I’m fine” face–but in reality, you’re just trying to hold yourself together.
But we’re not talking about plastering a fake smile while going through life trying to be positive…
So let’s back up a little…
Positivity and negativity are just two sides of our thinking that we’re believing in the moment.
Feelings of security, peace, happiness or insecurity, fear and dread all come from the thinking we’re believing to be true.
We’ve discovered that to be more positive, it’s being willing to open to seeing that our beliefs about our thinking is what’s driving the bus in our lives.
And that feeling positive and feeling negative comes and goes like a wave on the ocean.
So when you don’t take your thoughts so seriously, you don’t have to contend with negativity within yourself all the time.
Being positive just starts to happen more and more frequently.
Now don’t get us wrong…
We all have negative thoughts about people or situations that are not what we’d prefer…
But we’ve found that we don’t have to keep the negative spin and overwhelm going by holding onto those thoughts and attaching meaning to them.
For instance, take Fran who wanted to be more positive…
Her mother called her “Little Mary Sunshine” from a musical popular in the 1950’s so it was obvious that Fran was used to looking on the positive side of things.
But recently, her thoughts were increasingly negative and she blamed her husband.
When even the slightest upset happened, he reacted with fears of the worst possible scenario and talked about them incessantly.
In her mind, she called him “chicken little” who ran around saying, “The sky is falling” even when it wasn’t.
They got into arguments when she constantly tried to focus him into looking at the positive side of whatever it was.
They got into the “blame game.”
He said she was being unrealistic and she said he was always negative.
She was finding it difficult to keep her positive attitude until she realized one important thing…
She didn’t have to believe in his thoughts or take them on and she didn’t have to try to change him.
And she didn’t have to hold so tightly to her positive ones either.
Here are 3 ways to be more positive that she discovered…
1. Recognize that you have a choice
You have a choice in what thoughts you latch onto and repeatedly relive even though you might think you don’t.
Even though you can’t control your thoughts, you can choose where to direct your focus.
2. See the truth about your thinking.
Start to see that your thinking and your moods are always shifting and changing from moment to moment and therefore you don’t have to make such a big deal out of what you’re thinking and what’s going on in the moment.
If your moods (or anyone’s) are cyclical or ever-changing, it would seem only natural that positivity would be happening sometimes and negativity would be happening other times.
Again, the way to learn how to be more positive is to simply notice that you don’t have to believe your negative thinking. Ever.
3. Allow yourself to settle so your wisdom comes through
When you get out of your own way and your circular thinking, you can be in uncomfortable situations in a different way.
Just take notice, without analyzing, when you get worked up and in your head.
Since your feelings come from your thinking that you believe in the moment, when you allow fear or whatever to melt away–and it will…
You can have more of a sense of hopefulness, peace and calm.
And the next steps to take will become clear to you.
To be more positive starts inside you and your willingness to see something new and different–no matter what’s going on in the outside world.