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“Never make light of the king, even in your thoughts. And don’t make fun of the powerful, even in your own bedroom. For a little bird might deliver your message and tell them what you said.” Ecclesiastes 10:20 (NLT)
When I was in high school, name-calling was the rage. My mom had warned me about bullies, but I thought times had changed… that was until I, too, became a victim.
Whispers seemed to protrude through the walls I walked by, echoing secrets of those who had tread the same path before me. Most days, I hung my head low, shuffling from class to class as quickly as I could. Though their accusations were cruel, some made me stop and think.
I was used to being called “skinny,” a “twig,” a dog that needed “meat on my bones.” I was somehow mocked and yet praised for my intelligence; someone always wanted something from me, mainly help getting an ‘A’ on the next week’s assignment. Maybe those were compliments. To me, they felt like slaps across the face.
But one day, the words went a bit further. I was on my way to pick up fruit for a fundraiser I had participated in when I stumbled upon a new weighted word: Someone had written “Jew” across my order form.
While I was initially stunned, a smile erupted within my Spirit. My faith was evident, even in the face of judgment. If I was going to be bullied for something, let it be my unwavering faith in Jesus. I understood the power of standing firm in who I am, regardless of the whispers around me.
The weight of our words is powerful. They can hurt and they can build up. It’s a mystery that cursing and blessing can come from the same tongue (James 3:10). But these words, as hurtful as they once were, shaped my understanding of identity, faith, and the power of our speech.
Here are three truths when it comes to knowing the weight of our words:
1. The Impact of Words on Identity: You’re Not Who You Think You Are
In a recent conversation with my therapist, we dug up some deep-seated beliefs I’ve had about myself. Some of them stem back to these days of bullying, while others seem to have come from things I’ve bullied myself into believing. But friend, just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.
It’s true that the more you think about something, the truer it becomes regardless of its validity. That’s just human nature. We believe what we tell ourselves and listen to. But this is all the more reason to be aware of these thoughts. Ecclesiastes 10:20 reminds us to not say bad things about other people, even within our minds or hearts. But what about the things we say to ourselves?
At the end of the day, we must remember that we are not our thoughts or others’ thoughts about us; we are who Christ says we are. Maybe like me, you struggle to read and believe reaffirming passages like Psalm 139:14. For years, I refused to acknowledge this passage because I didn’t feel like it was true. I knew it in my head, but my heart hadn’t caught up yet. Here’s the good news: God’s Word is infallible, and it remains the same regardless of whether you internalize it or not (Titus 1:2; 2 Peter 1:19).
Recently, I put Psalm 139:14 on my bathroom mirror. Every day, I see it and recite it not because I feel good about myself but because I believe in the power of God’s Word. It’s alive and active to help me believe and acknowledge God’s truth over time. It serves as a reminder that I’m not who I think I am, but I am who God says I am regardless of how I feel at that moment.
2. A Change in Perspective: Choosing Faith Over Fear
The second truth that the weight of our words has taught me is to adapt a change in perspective. Nothing is pleasant about being bullied, made fun of, or called names. I learned this the hard way in adulthood (because, newsflash, the criticism doesn’t stop when you grow older; there are just fewer repercussions for adults who bully). But changing how I view these hurtful words has changed me.
John 16:33 is a familiar passage to all of us when it comes to persecution and hardship. Jesus doesn’t promise an earthly world without these kinds of sufferings. But He does promise that His presence will be with us to the end. Learning to see our sufferings this way requires an eternal change of perspective. It doesn’t negate or minimize what we’re feeling here, but it helps us look beyond despite these turmoils.
The next time you’re faced with the weight of words, remember to choose faith over fear. Negativity and bullying present us with a choice: to succumb to hurt or to stand firm in our beliefs. Embracing our faith empowers us to rise above the words that aim to tear us down (2 Corinthians 10:5). Being proud of our identity as children of God can transform our perspective on adversity.
3. Be Mindful: Watch the Ripple of Your Words
Once we’ve realigned our thoughts with who Christ says we are and learned to stand firm in those truths, we must remember to watch our thoughts and tongues, the third truth that the weight of words has taught me. As much as I’d like to say I’ve never bullied anyone, I’m confident there have been times I’ve thought choice words about unkind people. Ecclesiastes reminds us this, too, is meaningless.
Just as others’ words can deeply impact us, we must be mindful of the words we speak about ourselves and others. Our private thoughts can have public consequences. God knows our every thought before we ever think them (Psalm 139:1-4), but we’re still responsible for what comes out of us.
If we want to change the weight of our words, it begins by speaking life, encouragement, and respect to ourselves and those around us. Not because it’s always easy, or we believe it, but because we know it’s the right thing to do. Want to transform the weight of your words? Here are some practical action steps you can take to implement this practice:
Practice Daily Affirmations. Begin every day with positive truths found in the Word, like Psalm 139:14 or 1 John 4:4. Reciting these daily affirmations will help reinforce your identity in Christ even if you don’t yet believe them. Speaking these truths aloud sets the tone for your day and allows God’s Word to penetrate the divide between flesh and spirit (Hebrews 4:12).
Choose Your Words Wisely. Whether you’re in high school, college, or adulthood, choosing to think before you speak is wise. If we’re honest, most of us find it easier to fly off the cuff and speak what’s on our minds than to pause, be patient, and reflect before responding. But choosing our words wisely has eternal benefits. It allows us to think about the choice of our words to value the weight of each one. Are these words life-giving, or are we saying them out of spite? Making a conscious effort to replace unkind words with thoughtful ones can not only benefit you but also those you engage with.
Pray for Transformation. As human beings, we have free will. But this free will is powered by the Spirit’s work within us to transform who we are and bring us from where we’ve once been. Seeking God’s guidance is one of the best ways to transform your heart, soul, and mind. It’s also the best way to transform the words that come out of you.
Proverbs 4:23 (ESV) says it this way: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” When we pray for God’s Spirit to transform us and the power of our words, we receive wisdom—wisdom to discern when to speak and when to listen, even and especially in speaking to and listening to ourselves.
Which practical action step will you try this week to transform the weight of your words?
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Liza Summer