admin I often hear from women who are looking for a way to bring about a commitment after a breakup or a rough patch in the relationship. Often, after they have been so close to losing the man that they love, they want a commitment that much more. But unfortunately, they are often further away from this reality because the problem in the relationship has caused some serious doubts.
I heard from someone who said: “I have been with my boyfriend for nearly five years. We have been living together for about eight months. We met when we were very young so neither of us was in a hurry to get married at first. However, for the last couple of years, I have wanted a commitment. I really have wanted to get engaged, but a promise ring would make me feel more secure also. About seven months ago, my boyfriend got a wonderful opportunity in his career. But it meant that we would need to be apart more while he traveled. I told him that I would support this and I did at first. But the reality was, he was gone more and more all of the time and I eventually withdrew my support. My boyfriend said that this was his dream job and he wasn’t giving it up. Eventually, this caused so many problems that he broke things off with me and moved out. We both eventually calmed down and got back together. But that issue is still between us. He is still at the same job and I am still trying to be supportive. But that is definitely a sensitive subject between us. Still, I know that he loves me and I love him. And now that he’s on the road more for his job, I really want a commitment. But when I hint at this, I can feel him backing away. I feel like that rough patch we had ruined everything. How do I get him to propose or commit now?”
Here is why this is a tricky situation. A man who is reluctant to commit hates pressure more than nearly anything. Being pressured to commit or being made to feel guilty about his time frame are both likely to make him much less willing to enthusiastically commit to you. And, let’s face it. What is the point of getting that commitment if he is not truly happy about it? You want to marry him of course but you want a happy and healthy marriage, not one in which one spouse is dragging his feet or isn’t entirely happy to be there. So in the following article, I’ll outline what I think is the best way to get an enthusiastic commitment after a rough patch.
Work Very Hard To Heal The Underlying Issues: Sometimes, you are so relieved to be past the rough patch that you don’t really want to talk about or dwell on it. But, if you don’t work through it or come up with some compromise, then the issue is going to just keep coming up. And the more that it comes up, the more he is going to wonder if you are truly compatible or meant to be together. In order for him to think that you are truly “the one,” your relationship needs to feel almost effortless. And, when problems do come up, he needs to believe that you will deal with them and successfully move on. Show him that you can do this by working through this once and for all and then leaving it in the past. No one wants to make a commitment to a relationship where troubles are constantly being rehashed.
Do Not Push For A Commitment But Push Yourself To Make Your Relationship As Strong As It Can Possibly Be: If you remember nothing else from this article, please remember this. When a man is in love and is in the midst of a healthy relationship where he feels valued and understood, he just naturally wants to commit. But if he is feeling forced and pushed into a commitment, he will start to question the relationship. He will start to wonder what is behind your sense of urgency. And this will create doubt within him.
So instead of making it appear that you care more about having a ring on your finger or an Mrs. in front of your name, make it clear that what you really care about is him and the relationship. If you can do this, and fix all of the troublesome issues, the commitment should eventually resolve itself.
So, to answer the question posed, you don’t try to “get” or “make” him propose or commit after a rough patch if you want his enthusiasm and excitement. Instead, you want to inspire his love and his commitment because that is just the natural extension of the healthy relationship that you have been able to rebuild.