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Everyone agrees…
Communicating in ways that bring you and your spouse or partner closer together is a good thing.
Communicating in ways that make the important people in your life want to spend more time with you is always something you should want…
AND…
Communicating in ways that bring you more love, connection, and passion is something you usually want more of rather than less of…
And yet…
Most people do the exact opposite of what will bring them what they want in their love (and other)relationships and then wonder why the “good feelings” fade away.
Here’s what one of our teachers said that really impacted us both in its truth and in its simplicity…
“Look for common sense, plain old fashioned common sense.”
—Sydney Banks (From The Missing Link)
Here’s what we’ve seen…
Some people who are usually very smart in other areas of their lives do some of the dumbest things when interacting and communicating with their spouse or partner and then wonder why their love relationship is falling apart.
They just don’t use the “plain old fashioned common sense” everyone has inside them.
We’ve certainly been there in our own lives so we know what we’re talking about!
For example:
One woman wanted her mother to stop picking on her but it always ended in a fight. She’d end up blaming her for all that was wrong in her life and both would go away frustrated and angry.
Another woman we talked to thought it was a great idea to be “honest” and tell her new partner about how great her previous lover was and brag about how much he taught her about being great in bed. She then wondered why he pulled away when in fact, he felt like he would never be able to measure up to her ex.
Another woman we talked to wondered why her husband was “falling out of love with her” when it hadn’t been all that long since she revealed some VERY private things he didn’t want revealed about him and their relationship at a party where a good friend of his mother’s happened to be.
A man we know almost lost his wife of 14 years (and the mother of his children) because he started confiding in another woman and getting too close emotionally to her because of their intimate lunchtime conversations that began with him asking for her opinion about some of the problems he was having at home. In the process, he quit talking with his wife.
All these people could be considered intelligent but what seemed to be missing for them was something very simple…
Plain, old fashioned common sense which we all have!
If we all have this common sense, why do we sabotage our relationships by not using it?
The answer is simple…
We allow fearful, judgmental thoughts to get in the way of communicating from our hearts and connecting with those in our lives.
We allow the “shoulds” or the desire to be “right” to take over and react from a place of fear and blame inside us.
We don’t listen to the other person, really listen, and then be open to finding ways that we both can agree on.
Today, if fearful or judgmental thoughts come up, quiet your mind and allow your plain, old fashioned common sense to rise to the surface.
Allow fears to take a back seat.
Our common sense comes from that quiet place deep inside and if we don’t instantly react to situations, we can hear it.
If you do this, you’ll find so much love in your life you’ll be amazed!