admin One of the most important steps in finding a healthy relationship is setting boundaries. Without boundaries, expectations that may not be based in reality will be formed.
First, decide what they are and set them: Make sure that you both understand that, yes, the idea of running away together is a great idea, but that it may not be very effective to do that, today. Also boundaries need to be set on acceptable times to text, call or message, as well as when to visit and when not to visit.
Another very important boundary is visitation. If you only want to, or are only able to, see him on the weekend, let him know so that false expectations aren’t created.
One of the last boundary issues is communication. Communication is key, if you can’t communicate with him because he is just too gorgeous, then the relationship will probably only be based on sex. So if you are expecting more you need to perhaps look for someone else.
Lifestyle Compatibility: More than Just Sex
Another step in finding and maintaining a healthy relationship is just checking out your compatibility, not only in the bedroom; sexual compatibility is key, but also lifestyle compatibility.
Compatibility: If you are 90{0d344128b9dc3e1b34e90cc80856d1b8d47f216c439c96543b7bb0e9f3734051} introverted and he is 90{0d344128b9dc3e1b34e90cc80856d1b8d47f216c439c96543b7bb0e9f3734051} extroverted there are going to be seriously dilemmas that will be faced in your relationship. You may want to spend Friday with friends watching movies at the house, while he may want to spend Friday with friends dancing at the club. This could cause serious issues within your relationship. However, the real test is deciding what is important to you, creating a list, and seeing how many of those important qualities he has that you are looking for.
Communication: Yeah, he may be hot, but is that all he is? Hot without substance gets old after a short time. Do you communicate well? Do you have chemistry? Is conversation forced or does it flow naturally? Do you have to hold back the things that you talk about or can you be completely open?
Persona Non-Grata: Is your soon to be partner one dimensional or is he multifaceted? If he is one dimensional are you okay with the being the driving force in his life, as well as your life? Are there things about him that stand out as red flags but you are just too blind, or horny to see them? Those annoyances that bug you now when things are starting out could turn into huge flashpoints as your relationship advances.
Spirituality Not Religion: Are you and your partner compatible spiritually? If you believe in a very rigid doctrine and believe that going to church on Sunday is necessary to having a healthy lifestyle but your partner thinks that it should be something very personal, this is going to cause issues. It is said that a family that prays together stays together.
Friendship: It is often said that many relationships fail because a stable friendship was not built. There is truth in that statement and building a sex-free friendship is not as hard as one might think.
Helping one another: This aspect is more than just grabbing an extra latte when at Starbucks. This is about being there when your partner needs you to be there, and vice versa. If you are continually, going over to help change a lightbulb, but when you need something done he always has something else to do, this may not be the best match for you. Think about how this would be later on in an actual relationship.
Conversation: Conversation is more than communication. Conversation is the ability to sit in a room alone for hours and talk about anything and everything. Conversation should never be forced. If you are finding yourself forcing the conversation issue you need to look and wonder if your beau is actually all that compatible with you.
Family: This is a very important part of any relationship and is the one aspect that most often leads to people going their separate ways. If you have a large, supportive family, and he has a family that is unsupportive or even, non-existent, it may be hard to have a good solid foundation. Why? Because he will view your family’s involvement in your lives as an intrusion. You need to make sure that he is okay from the start with a large, supportive family and see where it goes from there. Just remember, also, just because you believe him to be the best thing since sliced bread, doesn’t necessarily mean that your family will view him in the same light.
Friends: This could be classified in family, but remember friends can be a greater source of support than your family. You can pick your friends, but not your family, and as such, people tend to be closer and more honest with those friends that are closest to them. If you have many friends and he has very few, your lover-in-waiting may start to become jealous at the amount of time that you spend with all of them.
Education: This is a no-brainer. If your partner has no educational background or no ambitions to better himself, then chances are, this is going to become a huge issue in your relationship.
Socialization: Are you the quiet type, and your partner the life of the party? Does it bother you that he is a huge flirt and you are not? Does he mind that you are okay sitting in the corner by yourself, why he runs off and glad-hands everybody in sight? If so this may be a problem for you. Finding happiness and balance in your life is about finding someone that you are compatible with. If you or he, are not big socializers then social functions need to be placed in the only-go-in-case-of-social-emergency category.
Intellectualism: If all your partner does is use his head as a place to rest his ankles, and you are wanting something more, this may well be a problem. The ability to understand each other is key in so many ways. Communication and conversation are two aspects at play here, but so is the ability to talk about something other than how tight his jeans are. You need to make sure that you are intellectually compatible. If your idea of poetry is Walt Whitman and his idea is the writing inside the bathroom stalls, things may be a little difficult for you.
Emotional Synergy: Having emotional compatibility is more than who cries more or who doesn’t cry at all. What you have to look at is who is the rock and who is the one that wants to be held. Or even better, if you are lucky enough, if both of you are versatile and able to play that role. It also is about the capacity to love another human being. Many relationships fail because one side of the arrangement find themselves constitutionally incapable of loving, or even being loved by another person. Additionally, you would want to look out for the black hole of unrequited love; that can happen when some people are natural givers.
Baggage: We all have it and there is a saying, that it’s not the amount of baggage that you have, its finding someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. You have to be okay with the baggage that your partner is bringing on the journey of your new found life. You have to accept that responsibility to help him carry his baggage and understand that there may be certain places, things, events, or even people that are very baggage-centric to your partner.
Passion: Not only in the bedroom, kitchen, park, or on the train, but also in life. Passion is how that person views life and whether you are comfortable with their outlook. if you’re not a pessimistic person and he is, this outlook may not bode well for you. Additionally, it is how he approaches life different from ambition. How many times has life knocked you down, and you got back up? Has your partner ever experienced anything like that?
Ambition: This is key, if you have visions of vineyards bouncing through your head and he has visions of bouncing grapes off of tables, this may present a problem also. Ambition is how that person views life. He may be a dreamer and that is okay, as long as you have the willpower and constitution to keep him grounded.
The following was just a short list and not nearly all inclusive of some of the things that you need to look at when looking for a partner. But what is lacking here is a plan to put it all together to make it balanceable and enjoyable for your life, as well as the life of your partner. Finding that person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with is not an easy task and chances are you will not find them at a bar at 1:30 in the morning on a Friday night. It is possible, yes, but how much can you truly learn about someone when you have 8 or 10 drinks in you, and all you can think about is the bulge in his pants?
Solid Ground Or Shaky Starts:
It is vital that your relationships start out on solid ground, and this can’t be stressed enough, without sex playing a role in the foundation of your relationship. There is no set time limit on the formation of the friendship aspect of the relationship, but it is very important.
In most cases your friendship will start with a shared activity or a shared experience. From that point it will begin to grow on levels that you never thought possible. Progressively you will grow together and start to share some of the great things in life. You may take in a show or play, go for a walk, or even things as trivial as going to the bookstore or going to get coffee. As your friendship grows honesty, becomes key in everything that you do. If there are feelings of attraction, it is best to make them known, and set realistic expectations for the outcome of the friendship.
It is important at this admission of attraction to continue on with your friendship, as this will allow a deeper connection and also allow things to flow naturally. There is nothing worse for a budding relationship then to rush things. A lot of us do that, especially when we get caught up in the moment of that person that we are sharing considerable more time with. Our minds start to ponder “what if” moments and we begin to dream of a possible future with that person. This in turn makes us want to force the issue and see where it will go.
Forget the “Burning Bush”, You Will Know:
You will know when the time is right; angel’s will not sing, nor will the heavens open upon you, but you will just know in your heart when that time is now and when it is time to take it to the next level.
That next level though shouldn’t be sex, and instead should be intimacy. This is another aspect of a healthy relationship that people often overlook. In our lust we often go from desire of the body to sampling of the body, without working on a key part of the puzzle: getting to understand all of the nuances that are necessary to create a long, lasting bond of two people.
Intimacy:
It all starts with a kiss or so we are told, but that is not exactly true. Intimacy is more than just a physical reaction to the desires that we feel. It is about touch, glances, stares, the way that person walks, sits or even lays on the couch. It is about all of the little things that go into making that person the person of our dreams. Intimacy begins with a touch, perhaps an accidental brush of the hand along the arm, which then causes some form of reaction. Perhaps it is the proverbial spark that we all hear about that begins our journey of intimacy.
Eventually, that brush turns into a blatant grab of the hand or a longer than normal gaze in his eyes, and we start to see the heat turning up. This is the danger zone. You are working on intimacy but at the same time, you are working yourself up. In your hormone driven mind, the only release that you can think of is sex, but it is best to wait at this point. Again, there is no set time period for waiting. Only you and your partner know what that time is, but once it comes to that you get to move into the next part of building a healthy relationship, one that we all enjoy, sex.
Screw the Labels: Find What Works
A healthy sex life is important to any relationship. However you need to look at your situation and decide what is best for you. A lot of people want to put labels such as top, bottom, or versatile, but at this point in your relationship, it may just be that the labels that once defined you are no longer valid. Perhaps things are different in this actual relationship and you want to just explore the body of your partner or allow him to explore yours with all of the zeal at your disposal.
This is something that can only be decided at that time or over the course of time. Don’t box yourself into one specific role as you never know what may be under the sheets waiting for you. Experiment, have fun and be safe, but also keep in mind that you have built a relationship like none other that you have experienced at this point, so keep it going, instead of reverting back to old habits and practices.
Open versus Closed versus Group:
Another issue that probably should be talked about before this stage actually, is what type of relationship are you looking for. Hopefully you will have discussed this during your courtship but remember this is a compatibility issue. If you are looking for a long-term monogamous relationship and he is looking for a very short-term trist, then obviously things are not going to work out all that well. So it is important to know what you are getting into before you get into him too much.
But that being said, the type of relationship that you want is based solely on the desires of each partner in the relationship. Having multiple partners but being emotionally monogamous, also called an open-relationship is something that many have tried, and many have failed at. It is not the best form of relationship, but there are cases where it works.
The same thing can be said for group sex. There are cases where it works fabulously, but then there are cases where eventually one partner may tire of the situation and want something more permanent, whereas the other partner wants to continue on in this fashion.
Figure “It” Out and Find What Works:
This is not a comprehensive work on relationships however, this is just a guideline to help you on your way to finding that person that compliments you in every possible way. The challenges are always enormous but if you keep a level head, use some of the advice given here and just keep your eyes open and up, things could work out the way that you want and you will be on your way to creating and maintaining a healthy, balanced lifestyle.