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Janet had had it with her mother!
Theirs had always been a troubled relationship and since her mom’s health had deteriorated, it had gotten worse.
Being an only child, Janet had now become her mother’s chauffeur to all doctor appointments, as well as taking her shopping for anything she needed.
It would have been fine except…
Her mother complained about everything Janet did for her.
The complaining wasn’t the only thing that got to Janet.
Her mother made so many snide comments about Janet’s hair, clothes and the way she did things…
That Janet ended up yelling at her mom and making her cry.
She knew she didn’t want to keep going down this rabbit hole but didn’t know how to change it.
That’s when she called us for help.
As we talked, here’s what Janet discovered about how this relationship could be easier than what she’d been experiencing…
1. Give her mom her full attention
Stepping out of the drama that had been going on between the two of them…
Janet saw that when she was with her mom, she hadn’t really been present with her.
She hadn’t given her full attention.
Janet had been so angry with the way her mom acted that she had been dismissive with her.
She saw that her mom’s complaints and digs that hit her personally only came when Janet ignored her.
She could see that her mom was trying to get her attention in the only way she knew that worked…
To diminish Janet and put her down.
When Janet saw this, she saw how she’d been playing into the escalation of their troubled relationship.
That’s not to say that her mom was right to hit Janet with words…
But it was helpful for Janet to see the drama that they each played out.
2. Look at the answers to an important question
That question is this…
“Who would I need to be to be more loving with my mom?”
As Janet thought about this, several answers came up…
–She would be more honest and loving with herself. When her mom wanted her to do something, Janet would first tune into her inner guidance.
She’d learned what a “yes” and what a “no” was for her and she’d use that as a guidepost for helping her mom.
She could be more loving with her mom when resentment didn’t come between them.
She could give herself permission to say “no” but also to say when she could do what her mom wanted. She could even arrange for someone else to help her.
In giving herself this permission, she could be more loving with her mom when she was with her.
–She didn’t have to keep resentment alive by mulling over and over how her mom irritated and upset her.
Janet saw how her negative stories of her mom kept her anger alive and didn’t serve either of them.
She saw ways she could be grateful for her mom without putting on a false front.
She found actual appreciation.
Did her mom instantly transform into this kind, loving woman?
Probably not but what happened is that by seeing and removing barriers to love, there was more ease between the two of them.
At times, Janet was able to enjoy being with her mom but more importantly…
Janet was able to find more peace and love inside her.