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Friendships come in all forms from all different seasons of life. Your childhood friends, those you grew up with since elementary school, to those you played sports with during high school. Then comes college friends, roommates, friends of friends, not to mention friendships you may develop with co-workers or any other groups you belong with. If you are involved in your church, there are people within the church you become friends with and then you have all your spouse’s friends or friends with the parents your children play with. We will have friends there for our lifetime, and then some friends will only be there for a season. In any case, the question is when you are a believer, how do you share a deep friendship with a non-believer?
Jesus was our greatest example, and I’m so thankful we can look at his Word and his time on Earth for truth to help navigate life. When we think of Jesus’s life, we know that He was the Messiah who loved and healed everyone who encountered Him. He loved the masses of people and touched everyone who had the privilege to spend time with Him. He even loved the unbelieving, the sinners, and those cast out from society, like women or those with physical diseases. He embodied loving everyone – which included non-believers.
However, those He spent the most time with, day in and day for three years throughout His ministry, were His chosen twelve disciples. These were the people He had His deepest friendships with. They were all believers of Him and chose to leave their current lives and start living according to Jesus’ way as they walked with Him in His ministry. Even after Jesus died on the cross, the disciples continued believing and spreading the message of Jesus as the Messiah to the world.
Jesus loved all, but his closest friends were twelve believers. However, if you take it a step further, He then narrowed down his inner circle to three of the twelve disciples – Peter, James, and John. Many theologians believe that these were his closest and deepest friendships as they were the three who were with him the longest (Luke 5:4-11), and these three were present with Jesus during special events. They were eyewitnesses of Jesus’s transfiguration (Mark 9:2-3). They witnessed Jesus raising Jairus’s daughter from the dead (Luke 8:49-56). And one of the most intimate settings for Jesus was when he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane before His death on the cross, and it was these three men who accompanied Him in the garden while He prayed (Matthew 26:37). These three witnessed Jesus’ greatest moments and His darkest trials.
So, what did Jesus do? He loved all and loved many, He spent His days with 12 other believers, and He had three close friends by His side in all the major moments—in which all of them were strong believers.
Jesus gives us an example of who to have deep friendships with. However, many of us have deep friendships with unbelievers right now, and in no way, am I saying you need to cut all your non-believing friends out of your life. Or maybe you are married to an unbeliever as perhaps you came to know the Lord after marriage. But looking at Jesus’ life as an example is something to consider as you seek out truth in the Bible and pray for how to navigate any relationships you are in with unbelievers.
The Caution of Having Deep Friendships with Non-Believers
The Bible is full of wisdom on befriending non-believers. Proverbs 12:26 says that “the righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” The more time you spend with someone, the more you can become like them. Having deep friendships with unbelievers, we could easily be setting ourselves up to talk like them, think like them, act like them, and fall into sin like them. Of course, as believers, we all fall short as well, and in no way should we judge others. But the more you share deep friendships with unbelievers, the more you can be influenced by them.
Ask yourself if those you have deep friendships with are leading you astray – in other words, are they pointing you away from the Lord or pointing you towards Him? Do you gossip with them, slander others with them, or go to them for advice when you’re going through something difficult? Is their advice biblical or worldly? Are they a hindrance to your walk with God?
Romans 12:2a says, “Do not be conformed to this world…” Take some time to think about questions like these as this is something to consider as a caution when having deep friendships with non-believers. Take inventory of your closest friendships and how they may be affecting your walk with the Lord. Many of us have deep friendships with non-believers, and that is okay, but we may need to adjust some things and make sure we are not being influenced or swayed away from the deepest and most important relationship we will ever have—and that’s with the Lord. If you have some deep friendships with non-believers, here are three biblical ways to do that:
3 Ways to Share a Deep Friendship with Non-Believers
1. You need to love them.
When the scribes asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was in Matthew 22:34-40, Jesus replied, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind…and the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
To share a deep relationship with anyone in our life, but especially a non-believer, we are to love them. We are to love non-believers just as Jesus loved others, and in doing so, we show them Christ’s love versus the love they are receiving from the world. Loving them means accepting them as they are, not judging them, being patient with them for they do not always know the ways of God as non-believers, being kind to them, forgiving them just as Jesus forgives us, walking alongside them, suffering with them (which could mean praying for them and encouraging them), showing compassion on them, and being the kind of love they have never experienced before. By loving them the way Jesus loves, we can be an example for them and show them Christ-like love.
2. You need to be set apart.
To be in a deep relationship with a non-believer, it’s important we still live out our faith and be that example to them. We don’t need to dim our light and our relationship with God just because they don’t have the same relationship with God.
Matthew 5:14 says, “You are the light of the world. A City that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”
A beautiful thing about having a deep friendship with a non-believer is that you can shed light on the truth of God in their lives. You can do this by the way you live your life and by living out God’s truth. It’s hard to be bold and easy to be afraid at times of what others think. However, our purpose and what is referred to as the Great Commission is to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you…” (Matthew 28:19-20).
It’s hard to be set apart and not conform to this world, but it’s what Jesus asked of us, and we can have deep friendships with non-believers by just being ourselves, living out our faith, and being a light to them in a dark world. Be set apart just as Jesus was.
3. You need to pray for them.
To have a deep relationship with a non-believer, make prayer a priority. We need to make sure we are praying that we aren’t influenced or swayed by them in any way. Also, it’s important we pray for when we interact with them, asking the Holy Spirit to speak to us and prompt us when to speak up and when not to speak up. And then we should pray for them always as we are encouraged in I Thessalonians 5:17, especially praying for their salvation and asking the Lord to use us as a light and testimony in their lives.
There is no greater weapon that we have on this side of Earth than prayer. Imagine seeing their life transformed for the Lord. Imagine how much deeper your friendship would be if you had the Lord as the center of your friendship.
Praying for them has the power to potentially change their life and lead them to Jesus, and it allows us to lift up their needs on their behalf. One of the greatest roles we will ever have in a friendship with a non-believer is the role we have on our knees in prayer.
Having a relationship with a non-believer can be challenging, and we need to be careful that we are guarding ourselves against being led astray. But if we do have deep relationships with non-believers, we can do so by showing them Jesus. We can love them in a way that Christ loves and not the way the world loves. We can be set apart in our actions and conversations with them by not participating in the ways or views of the world. And we can pray for them in the hope of being a part of their coming to know the Lord and being that instrument in partnering with the Lord, bringing them into His Kingdom.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Finn Hafemann
Alisha Headley is a writer + speaker who has a desire to meet the everyday woman in her everyday life with biblical truth. Stepping into her true calling, she left the corporate world behind as a former-financial VP to love on her family as a stay-at-home wifey + dog mama, while also being able to pursue her passion as a writer. Healing from a chapter of life consumed with lies she once believed about herself, she is inspired to point women to Christ to experience the freedom + power to overcome those lies with the truth written in God’s word. In her free time, Alisha enjoys road trips around the country, working out so she can eat her favorite foods, and creatively styling her outfits with a craft for fashion. Alisha is a proud wifey and dog mama living in Scottsdale, Arizona.
You can follow her blog by visiting her website or connect with her on facebook + instagram.