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From the moment Cathy opened her eyes in the morning, the same question gnawed at her…
Is my relationship worth saving or not?
Her husband Steve certainly wasn’t a bad man by any stretch of the imagination.
He held a good job and fixed things that were broken around the house…
But they didn’t do things together and didn’t seem to have anything to say to one another.
They hadn’t had anything in common since the kids left and even a new dog hadn’t helped.
Cathy felt alone but afraid to consider leaving her marriage after all these years…
Fearing that life wouldn’t be any better for her if she left.
She knew she “loved” Steve but she was lonely and wanted more.
That’s when she contacted us to schedule a conversation to help her get clear about her next steps.
Here are a few questions from our conversation that may help you as well if you’re feeling stuck like Cathy was…
1. “What do you really want?”
Setting aside all your stories of what’s wrong and how you can never have what you want, especially with this person…
Ask yourself what you want.
When you really take a look at what you want without all the “yes, buts”…
It can reveal a map for your next steps.
When Cathy sat with the question of what she really wanted, she saw that above all, she wanted the friend Steve was to her at the beginning of their relationship.
She wanted to talk and listen to one another–and laugh like they used to do.
She wanted to feel loved by him and important again to him.
2. “Who would you need to be to have this?”
When someone is wondering if their relationship is worth saving or not, there’s a tendency to focus on what the other person lacks or has done wrong.
While we in no way suggest you paint a pretty picture over a bad situation…
We also know that when you stop finger-pointing, you can see what you might be doing to stop the very thing you want from happening in the relationship.
In answering this question, Cathy could see that she had emotionally walled herself off from Steve years ago when the kids were young.
She’d been so busy with their lives and her job, there wasn’t much left for a meaningful relationship with Steve.
When she considered who she’d need to be to have the kind of relationship she wanted–a friendship like they used to have with each other…
She saw very clearly that she’d need to open to him and not make him wrong so much of the time.
She could see how she could be a nicer person to him and find out what happened next.
3. “Do you see any glimpse of what you want in your relationship now?”
The old adage of “what you focus on, you see” is so true when it comes to relationships and in all phases of your life.
If you’re looking for what’s wrong, you’ll see more of it.
If you’re looking for what’s going right, you’ll see more of that.
Chances are that if you’re considering if your relationship is worth it or not, you’ve been focused on what’s going wrong…
And there could be a lot that’s “wrong.”
When you consciously look to see if there’s anything going right in your relationship, you may see something that’s been hidden or that you didn’t notice before.
When you become aware of what’s going “right”–even a glimpse of it…
The opportunity is there for it to get bigger.
When Cathy stopped to consider our question, she could see a few times when Steve did open to her.
Cathy saw how sometimes Steve did mention troublesome work situations and how instead of asking a question about that…
She complained about how bad her day had gone.
She could see that it was a missed opportunity to connect with him in the way she’d missed for many years.
Will Cathy decide her relationship is worth it?
Maybe or maybe not.
What we do know is that she has a clear pathway to honestly explore what they both want in the present and the future.
She has the opportunity to listen to what Steve wants and to see if she wants the same thing–moving toward that future together if they are aligned.
If you’d like to explore whether your relationship is worth it or not with one of us, contact us here…