admin As a counsellor I often get asked by people if they need relationship counselling. Perhaps they feel that they and their partner have drifted apart or that they are being taken for granted. Perhaps it is some crisis in their relationship that has them considering relationship counselling. For example: to try to get over the betrayal or infidelity.
As with everything in life, will you benefit from counselling – it depends. It depends on how committed you both are to finding a solution. It is not uncommon to find that one partner has made an unconscious decision to move on. It depends on how well you can listen to your partner, how willing you are to make changes. It depends on your environment and the support you have around you. In short as each relationship is unique so the answer to the relationship counselling question is unique.
There are things that you can introduce to your life that might help to strengthen your life with your partner.
Try to be honest and open with your partner, try not to assume that they will know how you are feeling. If you are upset say you feel upset. Sometimes even as adults we sulk hoping that we are asked what is wrong then we can give them both barrels, this rarely gives us a satisfactory long-term solution. In counselling everyone needs to be grown up, be honest about their feelings and take responsibility for those actions and feelings.
Developing this first point, try not to be directly critical for example “you never do the washing up” attacks the other person and puts them on the defensive. “I am annoyed that I have to do the washing up, even though I’ve asked for help” invites a positive response and invites a way to solve the problem.
Part of going to counselling is about learning to communicate. Saying honestly how you feel about what is going on between you. The counsellor helps to facilitate both, by providing a framework for communication and as a non-judgemental party clarifying and asking about what each partner is saying. Of course relationship counselling is not a refuge, part of its aim is to improve your relationship in the long-term and thus not eliminating problems between your partner and you but rather giving a mechanism to solve those problems. Many find that relationship counselling is the catalyst that helped improve their relationship for the better